bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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