why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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