im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
