I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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