TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
