He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
