I think scott just propositioned me for sex
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
