she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
