Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize