she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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