Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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