just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
