Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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