Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
