Just cropdusted the office
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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