you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
