How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
