I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
