She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
