i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
