Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
