I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
