I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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