I just pynch a tree in the face
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
