3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There's even glitter on my cock...
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