I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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