Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
