we're making bets on your personal life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
