I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
