i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
