yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
