my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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