I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
