hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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