I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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