I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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