i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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