you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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