you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
