yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
