Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
