i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Farmville is her only friend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Bring me that man meat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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