Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
