my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
