eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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