Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
