chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
