you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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