You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my poor anus
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
