Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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