i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
