I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize