We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
