I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
