Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
