Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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