you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize