Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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