Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
