the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
