You're my little dorito
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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