I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Soap is not a condiment
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize