I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
