I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
