i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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