Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
