The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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