dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
