I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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