i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
