I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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