im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
